xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
