You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
