I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
