Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
