I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
