what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
