he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
