Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
