you traded sex for a burrito?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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