so that wasnt chicken after all
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
