My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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