that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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