He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize