margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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