so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize