I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
