I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Text me some of your sweat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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