haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
