so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
