dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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