The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
