the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize