Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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