Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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