Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
