I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
