Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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