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My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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