hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
