four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
