And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
