if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's the barista slut.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
