Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
