she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
