I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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