I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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