i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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