so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it because I queefed?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
