Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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