lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
