Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
