is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I understand Curling. That high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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