I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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