is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
