Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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