yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
