My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
