well I can't set my house on fire every night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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