Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
