I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize