So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
