just tell him i said nine months
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
