you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
