Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
