My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
