I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
