first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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