I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
