i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
