My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
