i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
