I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
