Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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