I will die if light touches me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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