Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
