Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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