I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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