Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
