Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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