cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize