Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
