And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
