I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
