So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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