i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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