is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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